Tom Allen

I get all cranked up about the Olympics.  They only come around every four years.  Big world-wide deal.  Great athletes on the World stage.  Some sports I never watch otherwise (team handball is so cool).  You'll never catch me watching Women's Gymnastics on a Saturday afternoon, but, by golly, I'm not missing them in the Olympics. I saw the thrills.  I saw the spills.  The ecstasy and the tragedy  Pretty cool.  The US girls are amazing.  Three of our competitors' scores are in the top 4 out of everyone in what they call the "overall competition".  It's, apparently, a really big deal to be the "overall champion".  They take the top 24 scores.  Well, apparently, they don't.  No matter how high your scores are, they only allow 2 from any one country.  The Olympic committee's explanation was, "we want to spread the wealth around".  WOW, that sounds like President Obama talking to Joe the Plumber. So, here's...

We celebrated an anniversary recently...32 years.   32 YEARS!   That's a long time.  I've been married longer than I've not been married.   I'm not sure I can remember being single.  It's kind of a blur.  I know I was...but that was 32 years ago!   You can't really expect me to remember things that far back, can you?  Ancient history. I do vaguely remember that being single (in the 70s) had its challenges and issues.  Everything does.  But, honestly, I don't think the challenges were as great as they are today.  Even being married, I can see it's tough being single today.  With Americans choosing to marry later, with co-habitation being more of an acceptable option to marriage or even an expected precursor to marriage, with ever-changing moral rules and rights, being single, and, somehow, being Christian, have never been tougher.  Couple that with the fact that single adults in American are the fastest-growing demographi...

Tomorrow, I have Jury Duty.  Don't you just hate that.  Driving all the way to wherever you have to drive, sitting in a room with a bunch of other people who don't want to be there either.  Then there's always one lady in shorts and a tank top that the judge has to lecture about what's appropriate in society and in his courtroom and about showing respect, which she obviously knows nothing about.  Then there's all the people who don't bother to show up, because they keep calling their names and they never answer, and you wonder if anything ever happens to them and if it doesn't, then why did you drive all this way and sit in this musty old room with a bunch of complainers who don't want to be there either. Then you pray your name doesn't get called, because if it does you get herded down a hallway and asked a bunch of questions and that takes forever, and you might, heaven forbid, land on a jury.  That could go on for days. Even if you don't g...

Part of being a Pastor is performing weddings and funerals (marrying and burying).  Got one suit to cover both.  Weddings are cool...mostly.  With those rare exceptions when you know this is a total mistake and probably won't last a year.  But, those are rare. Funerals can be sad and celebratory all at the same time.  I don't get nervous doing weddings anymore. I don't get nervous doing funerals either.  However, some funerals are the most stressful things I do as a pastor.  Today, I'm performing two funerals.  One easy.  One stressful.  I know I'll be looking into the eyes of three children who's mom died at 43.  Way too young.  Years ago, she checked out on her husband, pretty much checked out on her kids and slowly checked out on life, opting for the comfort she could find in a bottle.  A life wasted. Three children will look to me for comfort and meaning and help and hope.  I'm stressed. May I make one sugge...

At this point in my life, fewer and fewer things surprise me.  I've seen a lot.  Not everything, but a lot.  Life has a way of repeating itself.  New packaging.  Same old stuff.  But, every now and then something catches me off guard.  A WOW moment. How big is your heart?  I'm not shocked that there's room in there for plenty of love for my wife.  Duh!  I picked her.  Not shocked that there's room for all my kids...all four of them.  I suppose if there were 8 of them, the same would be the case.  Then there's the grandchildren.  There's four of them.  Two more are on the way.  Who knows how many are still to come?  But, amazingly (or not) there's plenty of room in my heart for all of them, no matter how many that turns out to be.  They're all my favorites (so far). Picked my wife (or she picked me...not sure).  All those kids and grandkids have a little bit of me in them.  Suppose tha...

On this particular day 32 years ago, a skinny, curly-haired young man got all dressed up in a tux and stood at the end of an aisle waiting for his bride to meet him there.  Fortunately for me, she did.  That's 32 years, 4 kids, 3 new kids-by-marriage, 4 grandkids, 2 soon-to-be grandkids and a lot of pain and joy down the road. There were times I didn't think we'd make it 2 years, except for the fact that divorce was never an option that got thrown on the table (never).  There were more times that I thought that we'd live "miserably ever after".  There were times when I was pretty sure we should have dated longer, had a longer engagement, gotten more pre-marital counseling, gotten a clue, etc... There were times I thought she was "messed up".  There were times I knew I was "messed up".  There were times I wondered how it would have been if I had just married __________.  There were times I wished she had married _____________. There we...

Last summer at this time we were praying, cussing and discussing the lack of rainfall.  It was a drought.  Not a year-long drought.  Not a 3-year drought.  Not a Dust Bowl kind of thing.  Just a really dry summer.  So, we prayed and prayed and asked God to make it rain.  We begged.  We pleaded.  We got our water bills (that's when the cussing came in). Fast Forward:  IT'S RAINING!  Everything is green.  Everything has come back to life.  Rivers are full.  Lakes are full.  Life is good....right?  Nope.  Now, we're complaining, "Will it ever stop raining?"  Seriously?!?!  What's the deal?  What's up with that? It's all about timing.  Bottom line:   We want what we want when we want it.   We've pretty much forgotten about the drought last year.  Now, the rain is cramping our style.  It's an inconvenience.  We wanted rain, but back when we asked for it. ...

26.  When God made the earth, in some places, He was just showing off.   God could have easily made our place of dwelling functional.  But, because of His nature, He exceeded that and showed off His ability as an artist.  The more places I travel in this earth, the more I recognize the majesty of our God and His willingness to show us His great love for us, even in creation.  We are surrounded by unbelievable and inexplainable beauty.  He's a show-off...but a show-off for the sake of His kids. 27.  If your area of greatest temptation is lust, cruises are contraindicated.   Unless, possibly, an Alaskan cruise.

24.  Some people can have fun without alcohol.  Some people can have fun with or without alcohol.  Some people can only have fun WITH alcohol.  That's a problem.   This is neither an anti-alcohol nor pro-alcohol comment.  Alcohol is not really a moral issue.  It's like sex or guns or 100 other things.  They aren't the issue.  How they are used is.  If you enjoy a glass of wine, great.  If you believe that fun cannot be had without the presence of alcohol, you have a problem.  If you're popping the top of your first cold one at 7:30am, there may be a problem.  If you order 3 drinks at one time, there may be a problem.  If alcohol has a little place in your day some days, that's one thing.  If your day revolves around alcohol, Houston, we have a problem. Bottom line, if you can't have a good time without alcohol, you're just not much fun.  You need to get a sense of humor, some real friends, possibly a life....

22.  I know what I want to look like in my swimsuit.  I'm just not sure how.   Does that really need any further explanation?  I don't think so. 23.  Everything isn't about sex, but everything is about sexuality.   Everything reflects the over-exaggerated consumption with sexuality.  Fashion, advertising, humor, media, music, lifestyle...it all revolves around sexuality.  People's lives and thinking revolve around sexuality and drives their decision-making processes.  Sex is a good thing, a gift from God.  But when a society becomes consumed by one controlling thought process, when one concept and the expression of that controls our thinking and our acting, Satan has a field day.  Modesty and a sense of propriety goes out the window.   Pushing the envelope of what is appropriate and acceptable and God-honoring is discarded in favor of what will draw attention to one's body and/or sexual nature.  That which is made t...

19. Hot tub and dinner table conversations are the deepest.   Not sure why that is.  The Jews understood that sharing a meal was one of the most intimate things that two people could do.  Possibly, because everyone ate out of the same dish.  That's not the case anymore, but both hot tubs and dinner tables lend themselves to extended periods of face-to-face conversation.  You can stare one another down, or you can talk.  Talk is usually better. 20.  Americans have no problem wasting enormous amounts of food.   In a world that is starving, we seem to have no problem taking piggish portions, eating what we like, discarding what we don't, and heading back for more.  We've no embarrassment.  No wonder we've lost our waistlines and our respect in the world simultaneously. 21.  At least 2% of the couples in the world are odd couples.  Don't try to figure it out.  One thing is just not like the other.   The things that go...

18.  The Church has got to think younger and act younger and more relevant to an MTV generation if it is to survive and be a major player in future culture.  It's considered OLD, ANTIQUATED and OUT OF TOUCH.   Please don't misunderstand me.  I am in no way suggesting that we mess with our message.  I think that's the other mistake the Church has made over the years...  to try to make their message fit in with the culture.  EX: One major denomination just passed a resolution at their annual meeting to condemn the spanking of children.  That's going the opposite direction of what I'm saying.  Our message is our message.  It's not open to scrutiny or revision.  It's not politically correct, nor should it be. However, our methods are quite another matter.  And, the problem is, we sometimes fall in love with our methods as much, or sometimes even more, than our message.  The world's picture of the church is a musty-smelling o...

15.  When people find out you're a pastor, some run, some act better, some act worse, and some just don't care.   It's hilarious.  When you say, "I pastor a church", it elicits a guttural response.  It's either based on what people think about Christians or what people think about the church or what people think about God or what they think about their crazy Uncle Larry or just what they expect based on something or absolutely nothing.  Some immediately change their vocabulary (Isn't that wonderful, God bless you, etc....) and others also immediately change their vocabulary (%B$^&N@*^$%JH@!#, etc...).  Some just say "That's nice...Oh, look at the time.  Better run.  Have fun".  Then run, not walk,  to their cabins, and put out their pastor radar to avoid you like the plague.  Some, whether because they don't know what a pastor is or for whatever reason, couldn't care less.  They are the distinct minority. 16.  Lost p...

13.  In order to be funny, you are expected to be dirty.  Dirty isn't funny, but people think it is.   I like comedy.  I love to laugh and love to make people laugh myself.  I don't check out many comedy shows.  Not that I'm opposed to it...it's just not something I think of.  When onboard ship, the comedians come to you.  Now there are two kinds of shows they do...Family Friendly and Adult Only shows.  Being both a family and adults, we fell into both categories (lucky us!), so we checked out both of them. Findings : If a person is funny, he's funny...PERIOD.  If he's not, he's not...PERIOD.   Second finding :  The difference between a Family Friendly Show and an Adults Only Show is that the comedian feels compelled to throw in as many curse words in each sentence as possible.  They really don't have to be appropriate, necessary or fit in.  You just throw them in there.  Many times unnecessarily.  Many ti...

OK, let's keep the hits rollin"... 10.  ROCK=FUN.   On a cruise, people want to have fun.  The captain can sing old Sinatra songs at dinner and everyone will think that's cool, or funny, or weird...but that's because he has a strange accent and he's old and it's dinner and your dressed up in a fancy restaurant where the waiter puts the napkin in your lap.  But nothing says "FUN" like rock music.  It makes people feel younger.  It says, "We're on vacation!"  Turn up the volume and give me some guitar riffs.  Rock says fun. 11.  When it comes to vacation, there is no recession.   Unemployment may be up.  The dollar may be down.  Interest rates may be at an all-time low.  The Stock market may be tanking.  People may be cutting coupons, cutting back and, even, cutting out, but when it comes to vacation, all the rules change.  You may suggest that these are the wealthy, the upper class.  Not according to my o...

Here's more insights from cruiseville... 7.  The Church is considered irrelevant.   Want to stick a pin in any conversation you start onboard?  Just wait till they as, " And what do you do?.   Answer: "I pastor a church".   psssssssssssssssssssssss...   That's the sound of all the air going out of the balloon.  (Crickets)  If you're a teacher or lawyer or auto mechanic or indian chief, the conversation continues.  Pastor....(crickets).  Yes, many people aren't sure what to say to pastors.  Some aren't Christ-followers.  But, for most, when the word church gets introduced into the conversation there is an immediate uneasiness.  To the average American, and these are folks who by most statistics consider themselves christians, the church is weird.  The church is strange.  The church doesn't fit their lifestyle.  The church is irrelevant. 8.  Americans are fat.   Ouch!  It's true.  We we...

4.  Modesty is out of style .  Not sure what else needs to be said on that one.  My wife was easy to spot on the ship of 3000.  She's the woman in the one-piece bathing suit.  Now, don't misunderstand me.  I'm not saying that a 2-piece bathing suit is somehow wrong. I suggested it be Susan's goal for our next trip. (and she didn't hit me)  I just think it should take more than 1/4 of a yard of material to make.  I don't want to see EVERYTHING you got.  Some more than others, if you get my drift. But, this isn't just about women.  I'm not just talking about the weird old dude in the Speedo (mental image....yuck), but seriously, why is it cool to buy a swimsuit that's one size too big in order to show us the top 2 inches of your particular brand of underwear.  The word moron comes to mind.  If your goal is to show us your underwear, why spend $50 on the suit?  Unless, of course, you're being sponsored by both Quicksilver a...

Did you miss me?  I've been gone a while...Cruisin' the Caribbean.  I like cruises.  Don't have to worry about where to stay, where to eat, where to go...it's all taken care of.  Just chill out and enjoy the sights. Plus, cruises are the greatest learning tool for a pastor I know of.  You get to observe a slice of our culture up close and personal for (in this case) eight days straight.  As a guy who spends most of his time in a church office, this is like a crash course in what the world around me is really like.  It's so insightful and helpful to me, I may suggest the church fund the next one under "research funding", but I digress. So, what did I learn about the culture I live in from my cruise experience.  Well, it's a long list, so I'll share it over the next several days.  Don't miss any exciting episodes.  Here we go... 1.  Marriage has lost it's sacredness.  Lot's of honeymooners on the boat.  Few weren't liv...