IWANM....Secrets
Q: Should you share a secret with your spouse from the past that you know that would destroy them and your marriage?
A: That's an excellent question, and my answer may surprise you to some extent. I'm big on the necessity of unfiltered, unconditional, honest, get to the heart of the matter communication between every husband and wife. Communication is key. It's our secrets that make us sick. So, obviously the answer is an unequivocal "yes"....right?
Well, possibly, but there's a few other components to take into consideration. Here's the biggest one:
What is my purpose in sharing this?
If your motivation is to be open and honest in your relationship, then the answer is yes.
If your motivation is the fact that you have done something that could be harmful to your spouse and/or family, then the answer is yes.
If your motivation is that this is causing a break in your relationship with your spouse, then the answer is yes.
If your motivation is that you have sinned and you feel miserable about it and simply want to make your spouse share in your misery, then the answer is NO.
Confession is honest, freeing and cleansing. But, we also need to remember that every bad thing is a good thing perverted. Confession can be used as a tool to inflict pain..."Well, I'll tell you what I did. What do you think about that? How does THAT make you feel?"
There are stupid things I've done in the far distant past before I knew Susan and that in no way impact Susan. Although brutally honest with my wife, I don't use her as my personal conscience washing machine. You have to decide what your motivation is in confession. Although 99% of instances of honesty and confession are appropriate, necessary and healing, and very few can be just to take a load off our shoulders and put it on the one we claim to love.
Be honest. Be real. Come clean. Just don't be selfish.
A: That's an excellent question, and my answer may surprise you to some extent. I'm big on the necessity of unfiltered, unconditional, honest, get to the heart of the matter communication between every husband and wife. Communication is key. It's our secrets that make us sick. So, obviously the answer is an unequivocal "yes"....right?
Well, possibly, but there's a few other components to take into consideration. Here's the biggest one:
What is my purpose in sharing this?
If your motivation is to be open and honest in your relationship, then the answer is yes.
If your motivation is the fact that you have done something that could be harmful to your spouse and/or family, then the answer is yes.
If your motivation is that this is causing a break in your relationship with your spouse, then the answer is yes.
If your motivation is that you have sinned and you feel miserable about it and simply want to make your spouse share in your misery, then the answer is NO.
Confession is honest, freeing and cleansing. But, we also need to remember that every bad thing is a good thing perverted. Confession can be used as a tool to inflict pain..."Well, I'll tell you what I did. What do you think about that? How does THAT make you feel?"
There are stupid things I've done in the far distant past before I knew Susan and that in no way impact Susan. Although brutally honest with my wife, I don't use her as my personal conscience washing machine. You have to decide what your motivation is in confession. Although 99% of instances of honesty and confession are appropriate, necessary and healing, and very few can be just to take a load off our shoulders and put it on the one we claim to love.
Be honest. Be real. Come clean. Just don't be selfish.
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