HOW TO GO TO A FOOTBALL GAME

I'm writing this because some people may not have grown up in the south or may have lived under a rock or have somehow mistaken a football game for the ballet and strangely don't know these things.  I'm only here to help.  Follow these rules and you'll have a wonderful experience.

1.  Arrive Early.  Nothing is worse than a late arriving crowd to a football game.  If you miss the National Anthem, you've blown it.  You can't cheer for your team from the parking lot.  I like to be in my seat for warm-ups, but definitely by kick-off, or you're NOT a real fan.

2.  Tailgating is suggested.  That's when you get there early enough to eat with friends outside the stadium.  This is the relational part of the experience and allows you to get that much more excited for what you're about to experience.

3.  Get into the game.  This is not the time to swap recipes and talk about your root canal.  It's game time!  Pay attention.  Get into it.  If you don't understand why their punting on 4th and 1, ask.  But, be engaged.  This isn't a tea party.

4.  Be Loud.  When the team makes a good play, cheer.  LOUD.  When the coach makes a great call, cheer, clap, slap your noise makers.  We want to see veins sticking out in your neck.  This is your opportunity to let out all your inhibitions.  All that pent up energy and frustration from the week.  LET IT RIP!

5.  Be Encouraging.  Don't be one of those boo-ers.  (Unless of course the zebra really screws it up.  Then booing is allowed...possibly even suggested)  It's your team.  They're trying their hardest. If it's not good enough, get louder...and more encouraging.  And for Pete's sake, if they score a touchdown, don't just sit on your hands and quietly think to yourself, "Good job".  REALLY?

6.  Stay till the end.  Nothing is worse than those folks who find it necessary to leave midway through the 4th quarter.  SERIOUSLY?  You need to be there for the school song.  Leave early, you just might miss the best part, big touchdown, unbelievable comeback.  They play four quarters for a reason.

7.  Be a fan all week.  Don't just throw on your gear 30 minutes before kick-off and call yourself a fan.  Wear your gear all during the week.  Put your sticker on your car.  Talk about your team incessantly.  Fan is short for fanatic.  Get as close to obnoxious as possible without stepping over the line.  But, get close.  If you're a secret fan, you're not a fan at all.

I hope this helps you have a wonderful football experience.

PS: These same rules apply to how to go to church.  Please apply them liberally for the maximum church experience.  WOOOOOOOO...HOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  (We should have cheers!)