Tom Allen

Q :   How do you build your spouse's pride in their work if you are in a very difficult financial situation and he/she is not making enough money? A :   That's a great question, and one that has a variety of answers.  I suppose to answer your question, I'd have to ask you a few questions  myself.        1.  Is he/she the primary or secondary source of income?  For instance, until recently, my wife was            a Project Manager for Dell Computers.  She was very good at what she did and very well paid.           However, her job was high-pressure and very stressful.  She quit and went from a very            substantial salary to nothing...as in $0.00.  She's beginning a career in Real Estate, but that            takes time and doesn't pay bills yet.  It's caused some changes in our life...

Q :   My husband is very neat and organized and I am not.  I know my stuff everywhere bugs him, but that's how I've always been.  What should we do? A :   First, let me say this is a very interestingly worded question.  Let's look at a few telling terms. "I know my stuff everywhere bugs him".   This is your spouse.  If you know something that you are doing really bugs your spouse, then the question is, why would you want to do it?  If your goal is to create animosity and discord in your marriage, then keep up the good work.  Sounds like you're being successful. "I've always been that way".   Apparently, this disclaimer makes everything OK.  By this logic, if I've always been a nose-picker or verbally abusive or.....well, you fill in the blank...you get a pass.  So much for marriage making you better. "What should we do?"   Here's the problem with that statement, I'm not talking to " we" .  I'm just talki...

Q :   Do you have any advice for a marriage separated by distance (military deployment)? A :  I have to admit, this is not anything that I have experienced personally.  However, in talking with Susan, she reminded me of times I was out of the country doing mission work which, although not nearly as dangerous as your situation, was still in the realm of the unknown, and caused her some trepidation. Some things that we tried and also some suggestions for you that you might find helpful: 1.  Find a daily devotional that both of you can use, so that you are reading the same thing each day and praying for the same things each day.  This can be so very beneficial in that it keeps you both on the same page spiritually. 2.  When you have an opportunity to communicate, be sure to share what God is teaching you, in general, but especially, in regard to your devotional studies. 3.  Share prayers, prayer requests and answered prayers with one another. ...